


Not Today

by thisisnotwhatihadplanned



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Depression, Hopeful Ending, not graphic, tyler is stubborn and cranky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:06:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24880522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisisnotwhatihadplanned/pseuds/thisisnotwhatihadplanned
Summary: Thank you for reading!
Relationships: Jenna Black/Tyler Joseph
Kudos: 6





	Not Today

Tyler was angry. So fucking angry. 

He pressed on the thumbnail for a youtube video. Not that it was genuinely interesting to him. Nothing was anymore. He continued his negative tirade. His thoughts could physically make him sick sometimes. 

He was angry at himself for laying in bed for who knows how long, scrolling endlessly because god fucking forbid he be alone with his thoughts for more than a second. 

Angry at himself for not realizing that it was getting bad again, because how many fucking times had he been here before? How many times had he wanted- 

Angry at himself for being rude and snappy to his wife, scowling at her when she suggested he move from the spot of the bed he's been stuck in for days. 

This was not consiousness, not fully. His ideas, his happiness, the pangs of joy he felt were all gone. Worst of all, his motivation to do anything was lost. It was replaced with rage and exhaustion. 

He was jealous of Jenna. 

Jenna slept seven hours a night uninterrupted. 

Jenna's thoughts weren't violent and unwarranted. They never choked her. Jenna controlled her brain, not the other way around. 

Jenna looked in the mirror and didn't loathe herself. In fact, she loved herself enough to do frivolous things that she enjoyed. 

Jenna had energy, Jenna smiled and talked to friends, Jenna connected with the rest of the world effortlessly. 

Jenna had light. She wasn't mentally ill and things were easy for her. 

Tyler's pity party was interrupted by a knock on the door. He didn't have the energy to address it, but Jenna came in without permission.

"I thought I wouldn't have to use tough love, but I was wrong. Get your ass out of bed. It's been three days. Take a shower."

"Huh?"

"Come on."

She hauled him out of bed. 

"You stink."

Tyler glared at her. If looks could kill.

She half pushed him, half watched him stumble into the bathroom. 

"Here's a washcloth. Don't sit down in there. Make it quick."

Tyler was in a daze and he couldn't stare at his phone while he used the bathroom. 

The shock of Jenna's actions wore off and now he had to face his feelings. 

He thought he had beaten this. 'Take this pill, Tyler, talk to this therapist, Tyler,'. He always had to be on alert, to feel the shifting, tearing monster in his body wake up. It had been dormant for so long. 

He was angry again. 

He was so fucking tired of having to work, and plead, and suffer, and fight. He wanted to give up.

Just a few days of rest, of sleep and glorious unconsiousness. 

But that didn't work either. 

He'd always be fucking tired. 

He'd always have to monitor his thoughts, lest they eat him whole. 

He heard a knock.

"I don't hear the water running."

Go fuck yourself, Jenna. 

Tyler didn't have the energy to verbalize this, however. It was probably for the best. He didn't mean it. 

He felt his body for the first time in days. He had shooting pains in his head from looking at his phone and not eating. He was sore and his neck had a crick. 

Showering was tough. He couldn't focus well, and he didn't have the luxury of sitting down when he got tired.

His hair was tangled and his face was like sandpaper. 

He took a deep breath and turned the water off. 

Jenna was sitting on the bed. 

"Can you-" He tilted his head to the door. Being naked around someone else right now sounded like hell. He didn't even want to look at himself. 

"Sure. Just put on some real clothes." She held up the outfit she'd set out for him as emphasis and Tyler felt a little patronized. Maybe if he wasn't shit he'd feel thankful. 

She left and Tyler dried off and put on his favorite hoodie and shorts. Jenna really knew him. 

He had the unfortunate experience of smelling his own breath and decided to brush his teeth. He didn't look in the mirror. 

After all this, he sat on his bed. It was still a little warm, and he wanted to sink back into it. The shower was tiring and he didn't have any energy. Especially since he hadn't eaten. 

But he summoned his strength and went downstairs. 

The blinds were all opened and he squinted a little. Damn, it was bright. 

"You should eat something."

Tyler shoved a pop tart into his mouth and silently dared Jenna to say anything about "real food" and "nutrients". She didn't, she just set a Redbull and some advil in front of him. 

"Thanks." It was mumbled; talking was a lot of energy. 

Jenna heard him though.

"No problem, Ty."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
